The Five Most Common Marriage Secrets

The Five Most Common Marriage Secrets

Chloe Seaman
January 20, 2017

The question of whether or not to tell your spouse everything may be a personal one.

Some couples wake up and share the dreams they had every morning, while others have a good relationship keeping more separate lives.

Being open and willing to share are fundamental aspects of a marriage. However, in nearly every marriage each partner has something they aren’t sharing with the other.

Your spouse may be hiding one of these common spousal secrets:

Bank accounts

To have separate bank accounts when married isn’t uncommon.

Maintaining finances separately may just be a choice for some couples.

But it’s a different thing entirely when your spouse has a bank account they aren’t telling you about. Money is one of the most stressing elements of a marriage. The reasons your spouse may be hiding money or purchases could vary. Actually, these reasons might be the bigger secrets behind the secret.

Maybe it’s a secret fund in case you divorce. Maybe he’s hiding purchases for his mistress.

Even though about 13 million Americans have hid a bank or credit card account from their live-in partner, doing so can create strain or damage to your relationship.

Online activities

We all know about “private browsing.”

But your spouse may know about this browser feature a little too well. As in, they’re deliberately hiding their online activities from you.

The reasons for keeping their online activities a secret could range in “seriousness.” Perhaps your spouse is just planning a vacation for the two of you. Or maybe they don’t want you to know how much they’ve been playing online games.

In a worse scenario, they may be hiding their online activities to conceal an affair.

Sexual desires

Do you know your partner’s sex fantasies? Do they know yours?

It’s common for spouses to be hush with their deepest sexual desires. Out of shame, fear of how you’ll react, or other reasons, your spouse may likely be holding back their thoughts on what really turns them on.

Intimacy is one of those areas of marriage that requires a deep sense of security and trust in your partner. This could be why so many spouses would rather not open-up about their sexual desires. We’re afraid of being judged or ridiculed in such a sensitive realm.

Family secrets

Your spouse may have secrets about their family or their past they aren’t telling you.

Abuse by a family member, a sibling’s suicide, a relative’s scandalous affair, an aunt’s abortion, a secret adoption or their cousin’s run in with the law.

In many cases, when one gets married, their spouse’s family becomes an extension of their own. That could be a lot of people your spouse knows very well – better than you, in fact.

Keep in mind however that family secrets could be painful or dark for your spouse (which is why they aren’t revealed so easily – if at all), and so any discussion about family secrets should be approached with compassion.

The Washington Post highlighted a story about the secrets and stresses of one relationship in which the husband was a CIA spy.

He told her about his real profession a year after they met online. But that’s where the secrets really started. After his revelation, the woman said she “had a million questions, but he wouldn’t say more.”

During their flight home from their honeymoon, she noticed him observing several foreign-looking men. When she asked him about it he got angry and said “through gritted teeth,” “I am not going to have you ruin my career.”

The woman began to wonder if the wedding had been a cover for a mission all along.

Marriage counselor, Elizabeth Sloan, has seen more than 75 couples that included CIA agents. She said, “It’s really dicey with these couples because secrecy is part of the agency spouse’s job.”

But it’s not just CIA agents who keep secrets about their work from their spouse.

Your spouse might not want to tell you they didn’t get that promotion they thought they’d get. So instead of telling you and feeling shame, they just… don’t.

Could your spouse be hiding one of these common spousal secrets? Or, rather, is it you?

Actually – it’s likely you both are.

Disclaimer: The above is solely intended for informational purposes and in no way constitutes legal advice or specific recommendations.