How Soon Is Too Soon to Get Married?

How Soon Is Too Soon to Get Married?

How Soon Is Too Soon to Get Married?

Justin Lavelle
January 31, 2019

When you find someone you love and care about, it can be tempting to jump into a more long-term commitment: marriage. However, many believe that getting engaged or eloping after a short period of time could potentially harm your chances of thriving as a couple. What might seem like a romantic fairytale could possibly prove to lack a happy ending (think TLC’s “90-Day Fiance” or worse, the real-life horror story of “Dirty John.”)

While in all statistical probability, you’re likely not dating a lying criminal, you still may not want to rush into a lifelong promise without truly knowing your partner. While some research suggests it’s wise to date at least one to two years before marriage, there is no standard or rule for what is “too soon” to get married. It all comes down to whether you and your partner both feel like you’re truly ready.

Eharmony outlined some questions to ask yourself before tying the knot.

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Do you both lead full lives?

Ideally, you and your partner should have your own lives, filled with friends, family, a career, and individual hobbies before tying the knot. Marriage should complement your life, not fulfill it on its own.

Do you enjoy everyday moments?

Marriage isn’t just romantic dinners, cozy movie nights or walks on the beach. It’s the everyday activities, like grocery shopping and cleaning, that reveal your compatibility. If you can enjoy those moments just as much as the big, romantic ones, you’ve likely found a good match.

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Your partner should motivate you to be the best version of yourself, and you should also feel your best around them. If that’s not the case for both of you, you might not want to dive into a marriage.

Are you team players?

In a marriage, the goal should be for you and your partner to work together and contribute equally to your shared life.

Can you talk to each other about anything?

Communication is crucial in any type of relationship, but it’s especially so in a marriage. If you feel like can’t talk to your partner about certain topics, or like you have to hide things from them, that’s a major sign you may not be ready for marriage.

Are you each other’s biggest supporters?

There will be ups and downs throughout your lives, and you want to know that you and your partner have each other’s backs through it all. Both of you should be supportive of the other through both the good and the bad.

Do you share similar values?

If your morals and religious and other values don’t align, it may be difficult to create a fulfilling life together. You and partner should see eye-to-eye on important issues like finances, sex, family, etc.

Would you elope?

If you couldn’t have a luxurious wedding with your closest family and friends, would you still want to marry your partner? Marriage is about love between two people. It’s normal to want a nice wedding, but your decision and excitement to get married shouldn’t necessarily decrease absent one.

Are you ready to make a lifelong commitment?

This is perhaps the most important question you should ask yourself. You shouldn’t be disillusioned about living “happily ever after” – divorces happen, and sometimes they can be a positive thing, such as if a marriage becomes unhealthy. However, if you’re at the point of contemplating marriage, you should be able to see yourself and your partner spending many decades together. If you find yourself wondering what else is out there, you might not want to rush into such a serious commitment right now.

Don’t worry if your answer to most of these questions is “no.” It’s not to say you won’t be ready for marriage someday; just give it time and get to know each other better before you say “I do.”

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Disclaimer: The above is solely intended for informational purposes and in no way constitutes legal advice or specific recommendations.