Are Expectations Dooming Your Relationship?

Are Expectations Dooming Your Relationship?

Chloe Seaman
October 18, 2016

Have you ever built up expectations about someone, without any proof that these imagined characteristics are even true? This often the case with having a crush. You see someone attractive on Tinder and already you’re imagining what they’re like and how they’ll treat you.

We all have expectations of what we desire in an ideal partner, but knowing which expectations are healthy and which ones can lead you down a path of disappointment (or something worse) is a fine line.

In a new TV series on The CW (Tuesdays, 9 pm) called No Tomorrow (see trailer here), a woman named Evie briefly meets a man and develops a serious crush on him. They only meet for a moment, but that doesn’t stop Evie from building the expectation that he’s right for her. That is until they meet again and he reveals to her that he believes there will be an apocalypse in 8 months and mankind will cease to exist.

Suddenly, Evie’s expectations are crushed. The man she thought was her dream turns out to be a guy who thinks the world will end and so lives his life “seizing the day” with no responsibilities for the future. Not exactly what she was hoping for.

This is often the case with starting a relationship. We go into it with expectations of what we want and need only to find out the reality of the other person is different. Based on how we view other relationships and judge our own experiences is how we determine what we expect from a relationship.

But there are some expectations that are healthy and others that are not. Some that will lessen the possibility or heartbreak and some that will strengthen a bond.

First, some common unhealthy relationship expectations:

  • You’ll always like your partner and will never have a difference of opinion.

  • The relationship will “just work” if they’re the “right” person.

  • You’ll be happy if you’re in a relationship, even if you are unhappy now.

  • You’ll always get your way in the relationship.

Replace those unhealthy expectations with the following better ones and you’ll understand why healthy expectations can be an indicator of whether a relationship lasts or not.

Healthy relationship expectations:

  • Passion doesn’t always last, but true love does. That initial intense feeling of passion simply doesn’t last 247 in a relationship. This is the mistake many make when they rush into marriage. Knowing that real love isn’t that “high” feeling you get at the beginning of a relationship will help prevent you from getting let down.

  • Taking it slow. Focus on taking the relationship slow and developing respect for each other; a healthy relationship is more about what you bring to it than what you want from it.

  • Mutual trust. It’s important that you both feel trusted and that you can trust your partner. Always expect to communicate honestly for a relationship to function.

  • Relationships are work. Yes, you need to invest emotionally in a relationship if you expect it to last.

The expectation of finding the “perfect woman”, or someone “tall, dark and handsome”, will only get you so far. Lasting relationships are built on what comes before the relationship; that is, what you expect from the very beginning. Have unhealthy expectations and your relationship may face its own apocalypse. But set healthy expectations and find out what the true meaning of love really is.

Disclaimer: The above is solely intended for informational purposes and in no way constitutes legal advice or specific recommendations.