9 Signs You're Dating a Narcissist

9 Signs You're Dating a Narcissist

Chloe Seaman
April 19, 2017

Is it just us, or are narcissists everywhere these days? They’re charming and seemingly confident, but they’re also obnoxious and will ultimately ruin your relationship, and maybe your own self-esteem.

Before the ways of a narcissist blindside you, look out for these nine signs that could indicate you might be dating one:

1. They hog conversations to talk about themselves

How many times have you heard your partner’s trophy story? Narcissists love to talk about their accomplishments and achievements and envy-worthy stories. They’ll put others down to make themselves feel superior.

Not being able to get a word in because your partner is too busy talking about… themselves, of course… means you’re probably dating a narcissist.

2. They’re charming – to a certain point

Narcissists are notorious for being the type to sweep you off your feet and make you feel like the greatest thing in the world. That is, until all that charm crumbles like a house of cards.

Narcissists use their charm (and they’re very charming) in the beginning of the relationship to win you over, but then as you disappoint them (which is inevitable when you spend your life with someone), they will turn on you with contempt.

The next thing that typically happens is he or she will cut you off from their life completely.

3. They enjoy breaking the rules

Narcissists love to be the exception to everything.

They’ll cut in line, disobey traffic laws, constantly undertip or do anything that violates social norms. Why? Because they believe they deserve to.

4. They don’t care about your feelings

A major factor of what separates a narcissist from a non-narcissist is how they process emotions.

Narcissists have an incapacity to depend on others when they feel vulnerable. Underneath that grandiose sense of self is someone very insecure. Instead of being able to share their own feelings, they turn to feeling special as a way of self-smoothing.

In a relationship, this dynamic isn’t functional. The narcissist is unable to care for your feelings when they cannot even get in touch with their own.

5. They require constant control

You call your boyfriend or girlfriend to cancel your regular dinner date because of work and his/her response is: “You aren’t taking us seriously. I need a real relationship.”

Suddenly he or she is the victim and you feel guilty. This is one way the narcissist will express his or her need for control. They don’t like being told what to do and hate not being the center of attention.

6. They’re commitment-phobic

This study found that narcissism was negatively related to commitment. Simply put, narcissists lack the desire or intention to maintain a real relationship.

The researchers also noted that narcissists showed a preference for dating highly successful individuals who are not interested in emotional or close relationships.

7. They have a history of cheating or bad breakups

If highly committed individuals behave in ways that maintain the relationship, narcissists behave in ways that destroy it.

Narcissists were found to be more attracted to a potential partner based on how that person enhanced their self-image, rather than caring.

Selfish and self-serving, narcissists are “likely to be constantly on the search for a ‘better deal’ in the form of a better looking or more attractive partner.”

8. They care about their reputation A LOT

Narcissists will take credit when they achieve something and blame the situation when they fail.

If you try to say something constructive, they’ll be very defensive. A good reputation means everything to them and they won’t let anyone or anything taint it.

9. They thrive off attention

Narcissists love people who idolize them and will surround themselves with those people. If you don’t give them that level of attention (like idol-worship kind), sooner or later they’ll leave you like a bad habit.

Has a narcissist sneakily made his or her way into your life? Now you can know for sure.

Disclaimer: The above is solely intended for informational purposes and in no way constitutes legal advice or specific recommendations.