Wondering what went wrong on the first date that didn’t get you to a second date is an awful feeling.
Even on dates that seemed to go well, your date might later tell you something like, “I just didn’t feel a strong enough connection” or he or she might completely ignore your attempts to maintain contact.
You’re not the only one to feel this way. There are common mistakes that many singles make on the first date without even realizing it.
Here are the top ten reasons why you’re not getting a second date:
1. You Were Too Eager To Please
Eagerly agreeing with all your date’s opinions comes off as desperate and insecure.
Say, for instance, your date asks you if you like country music. You tell your date you hate it. Then, your date tells you that’s his or her favorite genre of music. You backtrack and begin your next sentence with, “Actually…” followed by essentially just putting your foot in your mouth.
Being too eager to please your date only gives off the impression that you lack integrity. Without integrity, you don’t look like you’d be a good partner.
2. You Were Rude
There can’t be a good date without good manners.
Your date will take notice if you’re rude or unfriendly to the server, movie theater attendant, rideshare driver, etc.
Being disrespectful to anyone is a major turn-off.
3. You Talked About Your Ex(es)
Unless you need to disclose that you’re divorced or have kids, don’t talk about your past relationships – whether they were positive or negative.
Talking about your ex(’s) just tells your date that you have emotional baggage. And dealing with your emotional baggage is not what he or she signed up for with this date.
4. You Got Drunk
Getting drunk on the first date is huge turn-off. Your date is going to make various judgements against you – none of which will depict you in a good light.
He or she will believe you’re someone who can’t say no to alcohol, that you’re sloppy and will make bad decisions.
You only have one chance to make a good first impression. Your drunk-self is not you at your best and your date will take note.
5. You Treated It Like A Job Interview
Dating is supposed to be enjoyable. The first date especially, should be kept light. You shouldn’t be treating it like you have a checklist in your hand.
It gives off the impression that you’re only on this date for yourself. Looking at your date like, “Are you good enough for me?” will only make him or her feel so uncomfortable that he or she can’t wait for it to be over.
6. You Said Too Much
Generally, on a date you might overshare about two topics: yourself and what you know about your date.
First, talking too much about yourself comes off as egotistical and narcissistic. No one is going to want a second date with someone who’s going to spend the entire time bragging.
Second, while it’s customary to research your online date before going out on a date, it’s not really accepted to let this person know you know a lot about him or her.
Instead of scaring your date off by telling him or her you know his or her address, just bring up a topic you can talk about that you saw was something he or she shared in a social media post.
7. You Were Late
Being late to a date tells your match that you don’t respect his or her time or this date.
If something comes up, call your date to let him or her know and apologize (but try your very best not the be late in the first place).
8. You Stuck To Safe (Boring) Topics
A pleasant date isn’t going to get you a second date as much as an exciting date will. The same boring topics everyone talks about on the first date just won’t separate you from the rest.
You can only really get to know a person, and allow that person to get to know you, if you step outside the comfortable zone and ask deeper, more honest questions. Jumping headfirst into a conversation that requires both parties to reveal a more authentic self helps to build connection and chemistry.
9. You Misrepresented Yourself On Your Profile
Maybe it was the outdated photos. Or – ahem – that fact that you lied a little and your date caught on.
Sorry, you may have had the best intentions, but your date isn’t going to appreciate the realization that you weren’t honest.
10. You Were Too Sexual
There’s a fine line between what behavior is playful and flirty and what is coming off as too sexual. Giving your date the impression that you’re only interested in hooking-up can be a real turn-off.
He or she might question if you’re confident enough to have a real relationship.
If you’ve made any of these first date mistakes, don’t beat yourself up about it. They’re all very common and it just takes some guidance to navigate your way through the dating game. Now hopefully you can adjust your tactics going into a first date so that you can get that second one. Granted you like the person, of course.