Tinder’s Edge: The “Bye Felipe” Controversy

This week the harsh reality of what many women have to deal with in online dating was driven home by an Instagram account called Bye Felipe, which highlighted various men’s reactions to being turned down for dates, mostly via Tinder and OKCupid. The reactions are offensive, shocking and so ridiculous they are in many cases funny.

The Instagram everyone is talking about. Source: Urban Dictionary.

While the account provides an admittedly limited sample size of men, the widespread media and blog coverage seems to have struck a chord with many women dating online.

Perhaps the most disturbing element is how rapidly messages go from normal pick up lines or date requests to misogynistic and hateful insults. We’ve talked about the time pressure associated with Tinder and related apps before, but here that time pressure to respond now, make a date now, hook up now, is very evident—as are the potential consequences of moving too quickly with someone you barely know.

As the creator of the Bye Felipe account commentates after receiving yet another insulting message back from a man who was romantically courting her just moments earlier:

“Dodged another psychopath.”

The scary thing is that in many of these instances, the author of the site makes clear that she simply fell asleep between messages or was otherwise distracted from responding right away, which the men in question took for radio silence and then unleashed their tirades upon her. Their true personalities showed after only the smallest perceived slight.

If it wasn’t for this type of “fortunate” misunderstanding, the author could have found herself on a first date with a real-life psychopath, or at least someone unable to control his temper over minor disappointments.

The #ByeFelipe controversy only reinforces a point we have made repeatedly, that in online dating it’s best not to rush into a first date until you have a good idea of whom you’ll be meeting. This is why we have cautioned against the Tinder hook-up mentality. It’s also why we encourage to be vigilant for scammers and engage potential online dates in messages and to review their profiles and photos for inconsistencies before meeting up.

As part of this vigilance, making a background check part of your screening process can make sense. While a background check won’t detect a bad temper, it will highlight any major inconsistencies, including a history of criminal behavior that may make you choose to say, “Bye, Felipe!”

Potential Catfish Causes Man to Choke


The Huffington Post, along with a number of other online outlets, recently reported on a man choking a woman he met online for appearing different in real life as compared with her online dating profile. Police didn’t immediately confirm the exact nature of the man’s disappointment, but in any case we can note a number of things that went wrong here before this unpleasant incident n-CORNELIUS-largeoccurred.

The main point is that the accused choker was obviously over-invested in this particular meeting. While we have no idea if the man has a violent criminal record or previous issues with managing his disappointment, we do have a few suggestions on what he could have done differently to prevent this situation from occurring in the first place:

1. Don’t Assume Someone is Your Girlfriend or Boyfriend Until You’ve Met Them in Person.

A striking detail about the article is that the accused had attacked his “girlfriend.” That means he had already made an emotional commitment to the person before actually meeting them. While moving at the speed of Tinder can be dangerous, building up a romantic relationship exclusively online can be just as damaging and put you at risk for catfish scenarios or scams. Try to meet a romantic interest within a few weeks of conversing and before you get emotionally involved. If you feel uncertain, you can always run a background check.

2. Set Expectations Beforehand

Looks mean a lot to some people and physical chemistry can be a necessary starting point for many relationships. Dated photos are quite a common ploy on online dating sites, and many people don’t have sinister intentions by leaving a photo up of them from a year or more ago. It may not be a catfish scenario but it can be misleading. If physical appearance is important to you, be upfront about it. Ask to see a current selection of photos and connect to social media profiles for added verification.  A background check can help you uncover all of someone’s current and historical social media networks if you feel like you are at risk of being duped.

3. Keep First Meetings Low Stakes

The accused man not only drove across state lines but also actually moved from Kentucky to Georgia before seeing his online “girlfriend” for the first time. We suggest meeting up at a neighborhood coffee shop or nearby Public Park during the day for a first in-person date. The time and cost commitment will be low, so if you are disappointed by the person’s appearance or personality, you can make a quick exit without too severe of a loss of time or money.

While misleading profiles come with the territory of a brave new world of online dating, we hope the steps above will help you to minimize any fallout.

Has a background check helped you avoid a hassle? Let us know in the comments.

10 Compelling Niche Online Dating Sites


According to eHarmony, 40 million Americans now date online, which equals roughly 40% of all single people in America. With such a huge pool of people to choose from, it can feel overwhelming to sift through messages and find a potential partner online, especially if you’re a woman who is bombarded with messages from guys wanting to take you out.

City folks just don’t get it, apparently.

One solution to this challenge has been found in the rise of niche online dating sites, which attempt to corral singles into similar cohorts by age, shared interests, ethnicity or religion. By narrowing your playing field of potential dates, you may paradoxically have a better chance of finding the right person for you. But how do you know what’s available? We took a look at this growing field for you and listed ten notable niche dating sites from the thoughtful to the bizarre.

  1. J Date – The original niche dating site, it concentrates on connecting Jewish singles and is already well established enough to be spoofed on mainstream sitcoms.
  1. ChristianMingle – A site for those sharing the Christian faith. We assume there are sub-filters to prevent Unitarians and Baptists from accidentally connecting.
  1. VeggieDate – A dating site for vegetarians and vegans. Why run the risk of someone lying about his or her dietary preferences on OKCupid?
  1. Alikewise – If you’re coming up empty on Goodreads, try this
    Ayn Rand fans can join Alikeable and The Atlasphere in their search for love.
    Ayn Rand fans can join Alikewise and The Atlasphere in their search for love.

    dating site that matches people by book taste.

  1. BeautifulPeople.com – A site only for the beautiful. Just don’t read their profiles.
  1. FarmersOnly.com – Live in a small, remote town? Do the only two single people within 50 miles of you keep popping up on Match? Are both of them family members? Then try this rural-focused site.
  1. My420mate.com – The only dating site where red is the most common (and preferred) eye color.
  1. Amish Online Dating – For bonnets seeking beards.
  1. Mullet Passions – Joining comes with additional memberships at sites like Trucker Passions and Goth Passions. At no additional cost.

10. The Atlasphere – The good news is there a dating site for Ayn                 Rand enthusiasts. The bad news is 100% of its members are                     selfish in bed.

Do you have a favorite niche-dating site not on this list? Let us know in the comments.

And remember, no matter which online dating site you use, no amount of “filtering” can provide the peace of mind before a first date that a background check can.

Background Checks: Before You Freak Out, Read This


So, you ran a background check on someone and found something that has you alarmed.  Your suspicions have been confirmed, your intuition has proven correct….or has it?

Take a breath before jumping to conclusions.
Take a breath before jumping to conclusions. Photo credit: Casey Fleser

Before you panic, confront or cut ties without someone, take a deep breath and be sure to consider the whole picture.  While it is important to protect yourself, it is also important to realize that a background check provides the skeleton of someone’s life, a skeleton you still need to flesh out.

One obvious area where people get really concerned is in the possible associates section of a background check.  While current or ex-spouses will show up in the possible associates area, they are hardly the only people who may show up there.  Former roommates, parents, siblings, even cousins or close friends may show up as known associates in someone’s background check.

The possible associates and possible family members section will depend heavily on how someone is linked to other people in the public record.  To assume that there must have been a legally recognized relationship, like a marriage, between someone and a possible associate on a background check is not only incorrect, but can also make you believe that someone has lied about his or her past, even if they have been completely honest.

Another area that tends to cause concern about a background check is if it reveals significant financial difficulties in the past, such as a bankruptcy or a foreclosure.  It is important to keep in mind that financial difficulties can emerge from many sources, including unforeseen medical expenses, a failed business or simply tough economic times that many otherwise responsible people could not cope with.  As a result, a relatively recent bankruptcy or foreclosure may not suggest that someone is irresponsible with money, but may be more of an indicator of underlying negative economic conditions or other factors beyond the person’s control.  If a financial red flag has you concerned about a person in your life, consider how the person behaves with money in your presence before making a knee-jerk reaction.

Finally, it can be easy to freak out if someone has a criminal record, but a criminal history is not going to provide more context about an underlying incident.  Depending on what type of history has been revealed, you may want to gather more information before making a decision.  It is important to keep in mind that the black and white of a police record or sentencing report can often be at odds of the real life color of an incident.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that, while a background check can be an extremely useful tool to discover more information about an individual, it is only one of the tools you should use before making a major decision.

Will A Criminal Record Lock Up Your Dating Life?


A criminal record doesn’t have to mean doom for your love life. Photo credit: Jason Clapp

All of us have skeletons in the closet, but some skeletons may appear to be scarier than others, especially in a dating context.

With people from all walks of life now able to run background checks affordably and instantly, you may feel like your past is obscuring your present and future prospects.  After all, if you have a criminal record, you are already aware of how it can interfere with employment opportunities, educational opportunities, and even basic necessities such as housing.

However, until relatively recently, beyond official purposes, criminal records were sufficiently private that a person with an incident in his or her past would have the chance to get to know someone before having to mention a criminal history.  Now however, it is entirely possible and even likely that someone could learn about your criminal history before you even get an opportunity to make a first impression.

So, how do you approach dating if you have a criminal incident on your record?

First, don’t lie.  While you may not have to share your entire criminal history with someone by the end of the first date, many potential partners will be more upset if you conceal the truth than they would have been about learning about the underlying criminal offense. Furthermore, if a criminal record is a deal-breaker for a potential partner, you not only waste their time, but yours, too, if you lie about it.

Second, take accountability for past mistakes. For many potential partners, it will not be enough for you to be honest about the details of your conviction, but also about the underlying details for the crime.  While you have every right to say you would like to wait to discuss them, the reality is that if a relationship progresses, you will need to discuss it at some point in time.  When you do describe the event, you will seem like you are trying to dodge responsibility if you blame others for what you did.

Third, ask yourself if you have you taken the steps needed to improve or change yourself since the criminal incident(s).  If the conviction involved drugs or alcohol, have you completed a rehabilitation program and are you currently sober?  If you were convicted with a group of people, have you changed associates?  If the conviction was for a violent crime, have you sought help to deal with any anger management issues or other problems with violence that you may have?

It is important to articulate the steps you have taken to put yourself in a different place than you were at when the criminal record was created. Many potential partners are not nearly as concerned about what is in your past as they are about what you are likely to be like in your future.

Therefore, any steps you have taken to help improve your chances of avoiding the same mistakes you have made in the past can be critical in keeping a new love interest onboard.

Are you unsure of what will show up on your background check? You can search instantly with BeenVerified to find out.


3 People Who Overcame Criminal Records And Dominated


Last week we noted that one of the most popular search subjects for BeenVerified’s background check is when people search for themselves. One of the primary motivations for this is when people are curious about whether or not incidents on their record will show up when other people search them.

Bill Gates ran into trouble early in life and went on to dominate.
Bill Gates ran into trouble early in life and went on to dominate.

Whether or not criminal activity shows up in a background check could have a major impact on your future prospects—but it doesn’t have to confine you to a life in the shadows, either.

With that in mind, we searched news archives for well-known figures with criminal records who went on to overcome any stigma associated with their past actions. The celebrities we found not only overcame their past digressions but went on to dominate in their personal and professional lives.

All three stories below show that a criminal record does not automatically mean a life sentence of mediocrity. So if you search for yourself and that unsavory item is still on your background check, perhaps you can find inspiration from one of the three famous figures below.

  1. Bill Gates 

    One of the richest men in the world, despite a criminal record. Photo credit: Domain Barnyard
    One of the richest men in the world, despite a criminal record. Photo credit: Domain Barnyard

The founder of Microsoft and one of the richest men in the world, Bill Gates has never enjoyed playing by the rules. This allegedly also includes traffic rules, as he was arrested multiple times for traffic violations in the 1970s.

Despite having a criminal record, Gates went on to run the most powerful company in the world. His net worth is currently estimated at $81.3 billion and he just recently topped the Forbes 400 list.

Consider Bill’s example if you feel your criminal record is holding you back from a successful career by investigating starting your own enterprise where you’ll only have to answer to yourself.

  1. George W. Bush 

    Former President Bush had his own run-ins with the law.
    Former President Bush had his own run-ins with the law.

Despite what you may think about his policies, the man with the distinction of being the first president with a criminal record deserves credit for turning his life around. Former President Bush was arrested as many as three times in what by many accounts was a rambunctious early adulthood. His most serious incident was when he was arrested for DUI at the age of 30 in Maine.

Unfortunately for Bush, this last revelation was made public just days before the 2000 Presidential election. It was not enough to sway the election against him, and the revelations may have been dampened by the fact that he gave up alcohol completely at the age of 40.

If substances are at the root of past mistakes, come clean and seek professional help to get back on the right track, if needed.

  1. Mark Wahlberg 

    Mark overcame a troubled childhood to thrive. Photo credit: The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas
    Mark overcame a troubled childhood to thrive. Photo credit: The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas

Before launching a successful music, modeling and acting career, Mark Wahlberg was constantly in trouble with Boston police as a young man. If you’ve seen the movie The Departed, you’ll have an idea of what his environment was like growing up. His most serious incident involved a fight where another man lost an eye and he was sentenced to two years in prison for aggravated assault.

After the incident, realizing he was on a slippery slope to a career of crime, Mark freed himself from the gang he was involved with and began to take positive steps towards building a life with positive influences.

Are bad influences in your life leading you to negative incidents? Like Mark, break free of “friends” who lead you down the wrong path before it’s too late.

If you’re concerned  about your past run a background check with BeenVerified today.

You are the most searched for person on BeenVerified!


Magnifying Glass
Put your public record under the magnifying glass now to avoid surprises when you can’t afford it later. Photo credit: Jeffrey Beall

While we’ve recently looked at when and why it matters to run a criminal background check on other people in your life, it may surprise you to know that among the most searched people our customers pay for information on are themselves.

While many people are familiar with running a self-Google search to see how your persona is presented online, we would argue that running a background check through a service like BeenVerified can be far more important, especially if you have any doubt as to where your criminal record stands.

While many people get squeamish about searching for more information on themselves, or even consider it somewhat narcissistic, a better way to look at it is empowering.

Having a clear idea of what’s in your background check will keep you from being wrong-footed in crucial situations and better able to prepare yourself ahead of time. As we’ve argued before, there is power in a background check and that power is to make better- informed decisions.

This week we’ll look at what to do if you have a less than stellar mark in your record, and strategies to present it to the outside world in the best possible light. We’ll even look at notable figures in the past who have succeeded after run-ins with the law to show that a perfect record isn’t everything.

But first, try checking yourself out now on BeenVerified like many thousands of our customers do every day, so you know what you’re working with.


Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems for Apple


As we mentioned in our previous post, Apple this week announced record sales of the iPhone 6 and 6 plus, selling more than 10 million units. And the phone is not even on sale yet in China, its biggest potential market.

While the financial news was good, some troubling stories bubbled up today about the new phones bending when being placed in pants pockets, while the iOS8 update has caused some users to lose their cell phone reception entirely.

Apple has had a good and a bad week. Photo credit: Mike Deerkoski
Apple has had a good and a bad week. Photo credit: Mike Deerkoski

You might remember Apple has had high profile issues around launches before, notably with the iPhone 4 cell signal issue, and the bending issue is not a new one for iPhones, as a number of sites have pointed out.

Thankfully, it seems these issue are affecting a small sample of iPhone users at present and Apple has a pretty good record of correcting issues like this, particularly when it comes to its software updates.

Here are some comments from the media about these issues:

“From an engineering standpoint, the iPhone is an amazingly small and delicately constructed device…When you make something longer, it gets proportionally more bendable, when you make it thinner, it gets a lot more bendable.”

-Jeremy Irons, a creative engineer speaking to Gizmodo.

And on the iOS 8 issue:

“Apple has pulled the latest update of its Apple’s iOS 8 mobile operating system amid reports of problems, including disabled cell service. It’s unclear how widespread it is, or which devices might be affected. On Twitter, users are complaining (under #iOS8bugs) about losing cell service and access to Touch ID, Apple’s fingerprint sensor.”

-Dawn Chmielewski writing on Re/code

And here are some tips from BeenVerified on dealing with these issues:

  1. Always buy a case for your smartphone to protect it.
  2. Avoid sitting down with your phone in your pocket, especially if you prefer wearing tight-fitting skinny jeans.
  3. Don’t be the first person to update your phone. There are always unpredictable bugs with major operating system upgrades, wait a few days for them to work out the kinks first.
  4. Keep an eye on Twitter for reports of new issues, as they often break there first.

Have you experienced any of these issues this week? Let us know in the comments section.

3 Big Stories You Should Be Following


Here are a few big news stories we noticed from the past few days that are likely to stay in the headlines throughout the week:

  1. Celebrity photo scandal continues 

    Kim Kardashian. Phot credit: Eva Rinaldi
    Kim Kardashian. Photo credit: Eva Rinaldi 

The celebrity photo scandal involving the renegade site 4chan

continued to take twists and turns this weekend as more nude photos from Kim Kardashian, Vanessa Hudgens and Hope Solo emerged across the internet. Like the previous series of leaked photos it’s alleged the hackers breached the celebrities iCloud accounts through guessing passwords and back-up security questions.

Our advice: Now is a great time to revisit your security settings on any cloud storage devices such as iCloud, Dopbox or Amazon Cloud. While making sure you set strong passwords, we question whether it ever makes sense to hold extremely sensitive photos of yourself in the cloud or on your devices.

Further reading: Don’t Let Your Naked Selfies Reach These 3 People

  1. Apple introduces default encryption  

Coincidentally or not, after the celebrity iCloud scandal,                   Apple has been rolling out a number of new security features over the past couple of weeks. Apple has now introduced default encryption for iOS8, which means even the company itself will not be able to access data on your devices. Interestingly, Apple went a step further in its announcement, noting that “unlike competitors,” it will not try to monetize its users data. Many in the media interpret this as a swipe at Google, which also announced it will encrypt data by default.

The lines outside Apple stores were long everywhere this weekend.
The lines outside Apple stores were long everywhere this weekend. Photo credit: Joe Nicholl

Further reading: Is Google Hiding Something From You?

  1.  iPhone 6 sales break records

Apple continues to dominate headlines with the announcement that it sold over 10 million of its new iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus since Friday. What’s even more impressive, as this Forbes article points out, is that the new phone models are not yet on sale in the world’s largest smartphone market, China, until early 2015.

Further reading: 6 Things to Like About the iPhone 6 Announcement

What news stories did you find interesting this week? Let us know in the comments.

3 Situations When a Criminal Record Matters


Earlier this week we looked at when and why it matters if someone has a criminal record. We noted that this question would likely be answered differently by different people and in different contexts. A criminal record involving someone close to you is more pressing than knowing the down the street neighbor whom you’ve never actually met has one.

A background check can illuminate the situation.
A background check can illuminate the situation. Photo credit: Olga Reznik 

Here are three situations when knowing that someone has a criminal record might actually matter and how your awareness of the situation can improve your choices:

  1. A New Date

Getting things off on the right foot is important in a new relationship and it’s also important to know if a potential romantic partner is hiding anything crucial from you. If you get a funny feeling about an otherwise promising new romantic interest in your life, then consider running a background check to get peace of mind.

If you find past criminal activity of importance then at the very least, you know having a prompt conversation about past mistakes is important. At worst, you may find that that this person intends on hiding something important about him or herself from you.

  1. Anyone interacting with your children

You can’t watch your kids 100% of the time and there will be always be other adults in their lives, whether through a carpool to school, the parents of their friends, or even older friends that they meet through various activities.

If something doesn’t feel right to you, running a background check should be a no-brainer. We have had previous customers use our service to uncover criminal records and remove their children from potentially dangerous situations. The threats out there are real, and a background check can be an affordable and accessible first line of protection for your family. What you do with the knowledge is up to you.

  1. A neighbor or acquaintance 

While it’s impossible to check on the history of everyone you interact with, you should feel comfortable around people like next-door neighbors and anyone else in your close proximity. If a neighbor has a history of gun violations, for example, then maybe it’s a good idea to avoid having your children play near his yard.

The power of a background check is simply the power of information.

We hope you don’t find out anything questionable about your neighbor or new love interest, but having the power of that knowledge will certainly improve your chances of making more informed decisions, a key mission of ours when we started BeenVerified.