Could she really be cheating? Is she just looking to form friendships?
Finding out your girlfriend still has an active profile on a dating site can be an uncomfortable, if not stressful discovery. You want to find out “what’s up?!” but don’t want to come off as controlling.
Here’s how to get to the bottom of what’s going on.
The Discovery: You Found Her (Active) Dating Profile
Never good news to discover, but it must have come from somewhere. These are a few common scenarios:
A friend: Your friend who’s active on dating sites came across your girlfriend’s profile and told you about it.
By chance: You were on her laptop and happened to see that a dating site was on her “most visited” list.
In conversation: Perhaps at this stage in your relationship you’ve begun talking about exclusivity and the direction of the relationship and your girlfriend casually reveals she hasn’t stopped looking at other people’s profiles.
Actively searching: You have a funny feeling. It’s not taboo to research the person you’re dating – even after you initially scoped them out. Finding out your girlfriend is still on a dating site can potentially be as simple as taking that first step to search online and potentially discover secret profiles.
Now what? Have a conversation
Good communication is crucial. You obviously want your concern addressed without damaging the relationship or seemingly like you’re demanding. So, here are a few tips for a successful conversation:
Don’t hesitate to bring up the topic. Pushing down your feelings can only lead to an emotional blowup.
Honesty is the best approach. If you went onto her laptop to snoop around and came across an active Match.com profile, be honest about it. You’re expecting an honest relationship, too.
Have an honest conversation and you’ll have a respectful conversation.
Assuming you’re still in the early stages of your relationship, this is a delicate situation. You don’t want to come off as controlling, but you don’t want your girlfriend being interested in someone else behind your back either.
Avoid demanding she takes down her profile, as making demands can make someone defensive. A conversation that slips into the “blame game” will quickly take you both into a nosedive.
Listen to her story
Anecdotal evidence suggests that women can sometimes use dating apps for finding “friends.” It’s a possibility that when your new girlfriend started her profile, she was only looking to make friends – male or female. So, maybe she kept it active for this reason; even after meeting you.
Whether you’re comfortable with your girlfriend seeking friendships via a dating app or not is a topic of discussion between you and her.
What is really a deal breaker?
1. If you know for sure your girlfriend is actively talking to men on dating sites, but she does not admit it, use these tips to get her to spill the “secret.” At this point, though, you may want to reconsider your relationship with this person because they seem like a chronic liar.
2. The early stages of a relationship are murky seas to navigate. You and the person you’re dating have expectations that sometimes don’t get talked about or brought up until much later in the relationship. However, if you and your girlfriend made a deal to be exclusive, and a situation like this happens, you should confront her about what it means to be exclusive. If you ask, “We’re exclusive, right?” and she gives you a vague or wishy-washy response, you might want to reconsider your decision to date this person.
At the end of the day, the best advice to follow is your own intuition. You’ll know if your girlfriend’s behavior warrants a breakup, or is rather catalyst for communication and, hopefully, a stronger relationship.